The Cost Of Forgiveness And Reconciliation

Last Sunday I finished a sermon series on the book of Genesis. I want to highlight a few thoughts from my message.

We focused on the story of Joseph, his father Jacob, and Joseph’s eleven brothers. This was a troubled family. Maybe you can relate? Personally, I don’t know of any families that don’t have some kind of problems or struggles.

This particular family was full of secrets. The biggest secret was a lie the brothers told their father about Joseph. They convinced their father that Joseph had been killed by a wild animal after they sold him to slave traders. The problem with living with a lie is that you have to tell more lies to cover up the original lie. After a while, the guilt associated with the lies begins to take its toll on the keepers of the lies.

I have a friend who accidentally found out her mother had been married before. When she confronted her mother about it, her mother acted like it was no big deal. But it was a big deal to her daughter, who was hurt that her mother had kept this secret from her.

Getting back to the story, a famine ravaged the land, and the brothers came to Egypt to buy food. They found themselves standing before their brother Joseph. Joseph recognized his brothers, but they did not recognize him. Upon seeing his brothers, Joseph felt a rush of emotion. He hadn't seen his brothers for over two decades. He must have been relieved to know they were alive, but the last time he saw them they ripped off the special robe given to him by their father and plotted to murder him. He feels anger, love, rage, relief, disgust, and sympathy all at the same time.

About five years ago, I ran into a man who used to be a leader in the church I pastored. He turned against me. He slandered my name and caused other people to turn against me. He made my life miserable for several years. I forgave him in my heart but didn’t see him for many years. One day I turned a corner at Costco, and standing before me in living color was the man. I felt a flood of emotions. Would I be kind, or would I give him the cold shoulder? I chose kindness, and I’m glad I did.

Initially, Joseph was harsh with his brothers. He did his best to contain his emotions, but at times he had to leave the room to weep. He wanted to forgive his brothers, but they caused him thirteen years of misery. How do you forgive such cruelty?

Before relationships can be restored, someone has to take the first step in acknowledging that bad things happened. In the case of Joseph and his brothers, no one wanted to take that first step, but the situation demanded that they start getting honest with each other. Have you ever been forced into being honest? Sometimes it’s the best thing that can happen. Only when we get honest can we begin the process of getting a relationship back on track.

I have an observation that I think is worth noting. I’ve been to several third-world countries. I’ve spent time working with families that are barely able to put food on the table. In observing these families, I couldn’t help but notice how rich in relationships they were. They laughed and played together, and they depended on each other. They didn’t have the luxury of walking away from relationships when someone got offended or there was a misunderstanding.

In our culture, we are prosperous enough that if our relationships are failing, we can turn to our material blessings to fill the relationship void. We can lose ourselves in entertainment or buy a boat and put the relationship on hold. It’s a really bad trade-off. God puts a high premium on relationships, and so should we.

Before Joseph reveals who he is to his brothers, he clears the room. When Joseph reveals his identity to his brothers, it’s their turn to process a bunch of emotions—shock, guilt, fear, more guilt, regret, and maybe relief that he’s still alive.

Joseph cries so loud that the Egyptians hear it from a distance. What they hear is the sound of a man forgiving. We should never be afraid of our tears because there is healing in our tears.

Joseph doesn’t ignore what his brothers did to him. He calls it out, but he reframes it. He says in Genesis 50:20, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

If we can look past the hard parts of broken relationships and forgive, we might be able to see God working behind the scenes for his purposes. Looking back over my life, I realize that on a relational level I’ve messed things up many times. However, God in His sovereignty has chosen to take my messes and turn them into blessings. He will do the same for you if you allow him to.

Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Is there a broken relationship you have been avoiding or perhaps running away from? Don’t waste another minute. Quit praying about it and instead do something about it. Regardless of whether your attempt to restore the relationship goes well or not, God will bless you for making the effort. And who knows, maybe you will gain a family member or a friend back.

Stay close to Jesus,
Steve