Free Rent In My Head
When we experience traumatic, hurtful events in our lives, it takes a while to shake it off and get our lives back on track. We are all wired differently, and so naturally, some people find it easier to move forward with their lives than others. Most traumatic experiences are caused by people. People are the greatest source of joy — and unfortunately, the greatest source of pain — in our lives.
My wife Karen and I just returned from a beautiful weekend spent with family in Ventura. On Saturday, we watched the Kentucky Derby together with our daughter Summer, our son-in-law Parker, and our three grandkids, Aiden, Emerson, and Owen. Parker placed a bet on the race and won some money. We celebrated his winnings with high fives all around the house. We enjoyed great food and drinks with our family. It’s those kinds of moments that fill your heart up.
I wish I could say that I always dwell on positive moments like that. However, there are other experiences in my life that have the potential to cancel out all the positive experiences. In fact, if I’m not careful, those experiences that have caused me great pain can live in my head rent-free. Painful experiences, generally speaking, are attached to people. If I’m not guarding my thought life, the very people that hurt me can live in my head rent-free.
As Christians, we know the best course of action according to Jesus is to always forgive people for their offenses against us. It’s possible to forgive someone and yet still allow them to occupy space in our heads. I know this because, at times, it’s something I’ve struggled with. I’ve done the hard work of forgiving someone who seriously hurt me and set my life back. I’ve asked Jesus to help me forgive them, and I know in my heart I’ve forgiven them. And yet, the memories of the pain they caused linger in my mind. I think about certain conversations — what was said, how they said it, why they lied or betrayed me or bad-mouthed me — and the next thing I know, I’m feeling all kinds of negative emotions.
There actually is a way out of allowing people to live rent-free in our heads.
In Philippians 4:8 (NLT), the Apostle Paul says: “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”
When Paul writes these words, he’s not sitting next to a waterfall watching the rainbow midst reflect off the sun. He’s sitting in a miserable Roman prison for sharing the gospel. He has been treated unjustly, and his enemies are many. If anyone has a right to feel bitter, it’s Paul — and yet, he chooses to meditate on things that will lift up his spirit. Paul makes a conscious effort to not allow anyone who’s hurt him to take up space in his head.
Is there someone occupying space in your head and stealing your joy? Haven’t they done enough damage already? Why allow them to hurt you anymore? You may have been a victim of whatever happened in the past, but the only way you stay a victim is by allowing that person to live rent-free in your head.
Start with forgiveness. Once you have forgiven them, put the whole ugly episode in the trash files of your mind. Next, start thinking about all the beautiful, positive things on Paul’s list. Finally, go live the abundant life Jesus promised you.
Stay close to Jesus,
Steve