Don’t Burn Bridges

Have you ever burned a bridge relationally with someone only to have it come back and haunt you?

I was reading an Old Testament story recently that reminded me of this. In Judges Chapter 11, there’s a story about a guy named Jephthah. Jephthah was a great warrior, but his seven half-brothers chased him off the land because his mother was a prostitute. They basically insulted him and told him he was not entitled to the family inheritance. Jephthah fled from his brothers and lived in the land of Tob. He started his own gang and established a reputation as someone not to be messed with.

At some point, Israel came under attack from the Ammonites. Israel needed a strong leader with military experience. Guess who came knocking at his door asking if he would be their leader? Yep, his brothers. You know those guys had to eat some serious crow in asking their brother to lead them. Swallowing our pride is actually good—it builds character. At first, Jephthah was understandably reluctant. I’m sure the memories of being chased out of his own home by his brothers were still fresh in his mind. But after reestablishing some new relational ground rules, Jephthah accepted the position and led Israel to a great victory over their enemies.

The point is, if you burn a bridge, you might need it to cross back over.

It always bothers me when I hear about someone completely cutting off a friend or relative. Now please understand—I’m not talking about situations that involve abuse or extreme manipulation. I’m talking about someone who gets all worked up about something and decides they are going to cut that person out of their life.

Throughout my many years as a pastor, I’ve encountered people along the way who got upset with me and, in so many words, said they were cutting me out of their life. Usually, those conversations include insults, but unfortunately, that’s what people do when they get upset.

Even if they burned a relational bridge with me, I chose not to burn the bridge from my side—and there’s a good reason for that. At some point, that person might be in a situation where I can help. If my relational bridge is still intact, they can come on over and we can reestablish the relationship. If we both go crazy and burn the relational bridge, there’s not much hope for a future reconciliation. Misunderstandings are going to happen occasionally, but we should always be willing to talk it out when the time is right.

I’ve known people who cut a lot of people out of their lives only to find themselves isolated and miserable. Because of my value to not burn bridges, my life is filled with relationships that enrich my life. In some cases, bridges were burned—but the good news is that bridges were rebuilt. And sometimes, a rebuilt bridge is stronger than the original one.

Is there someone in your life that you have burned a relational bridge with? I urge you to pray about it and ask God to give you the courage and the wisdom to reestablish that relationship. Who knows—the mending of that relationship might bless you more than you can imagine.

Stay close to Jesus,

Steve